Mary Claybon's Middle Way Health Blog

You Have to Stop Sooner Or Later

 For years people who have talked about wellness referred to weight loss, fitness or smoking cessation programs. Later we identified the role stress plays in our overall health and wellness so we developed stress management programs.

 Interesting that although the wellness industry has spent the last 20 years designing programs and providing health promotion information to the point that most consumers are very well educated, health is not improving much - Not the kind of health that is defined by an overall sense of balance of body, mind and spirit or physical, emotional or spiritual togetherness. In fact many people are exercising and watching their weight. Unfortunately many people have given up and continue to spiral upwards. There is no loss of material on what constitutes a healthy diet or adequate fitness program. There are also more self help books published than ever before to help us deal with our stress management.

 Keeping all of this in mind, it is interesting that when I work with people as a wellness coach, their vision often includes a regular exercise program and healthy diet, but it always seems to include the word balance and gaining more energy and enjoying life more. Yet that is the one place it is hard to concentrate. To stop all of our activity, whether it is for our work or just to keep the house managed is very difficult. We just keep going until our body can’t go anymore and then we get sick. It is when we get sick that we question how we have been going about getting all these things done.

More and more people have said to me that they need to take time to meditate, yet less and less do. Why is that? I know for myself I often feel that once this or that item on my to do list is complete, I will be able to sit back and relax. Sitting seems such a waste of time when there is so much to do. That is why we recommend that you schedule a regular time for meditation regardless of what is going on in life or with work. It has to be as built in as brushing your teeth. It has to be an everyday occurrence.

 But what if we are just not of the makeup to sit in a formal meditation? That is not necessary, but what is necessary is to have some sort of practice built into your life for reflection on more than your everyday tasks. The fact is that one’s body and mind can’t keep on going without a break. Eventually you will have to stop.

As you get prepare for the holidays, build into your day a time for silence, prayer, yoga, reflective reading, listening to peaceful music, journaling, or if you can, sitting in a position of meditation, following your breath long enough to feel a difference in your body- a feeling of peace and quiet rather than rushing and a sense of urgency. If you practice enough, it will become a memory in your body that you will be able to tap into when life is speeding by. Like all of my clients, it has to be a priority and goal for change. Let that be now and not later.

Enjoy Your Food and Your Life

I love food and I love life. I live for joy and enjoy eating. The day I stopped dieting and I started eating what I wanted and living to the fullest, was the day my weight stopped being an issue.  I look forward to eating and enjoy every bite. I also enjoy moving and dancing and using my body. I love the feeling of health and life and love. I think about what I am going to eat from the time I get up until I take my last bite of the day. I live to eat and enjoy food and the pleasure of dining. I wonder who I am going to eat with, what new restaurants or recipes I want to try. I have fun traveling and eating around the world. I enjoy a variety of cuisines and love every minute of my meals. How sad that we live in a world where people feel that in order to lose weight, get healthy, prevent disease they have to deprive themselves of one of the greatest pleasures of life food and eating.

I love these quotes:

 “Eating is not merely a material pleasure. Eating well gives a spectacular joy to life and contributes immensely to goodwill and happy companionship. It is of great importance to the morale.”
Elsa Schiaparelli Italian designer (1890-1973)
 

 "Never fit a dress to the body but train the body to fit the dress"
- Elsa Schiaparelli –

 The act of eating and dining out is a time not only to satisfy your own hunger, but to share an experience with others. At a time when the world is threatened by acts of terrorism and we live in fear, there needs to be a time when you can let go of fear, yet mealtimes are often the most fearful part of the day for many. Instead of enjoying food and the pleasure of eating, this time is often filled with guilt and fear.

My work with weight management and lifestyle change examines the underlying beliefs, philosophies, and motivations that affect our relationship to food and whether food becomes a pleasure for the body or a poison creating unhealth and unhealthy habits.

I ask my clients and readers four questions: What are you eating? What are you drinking? What are you doing? And What are you thinking?

Thinking is most important.

I will be offering a series of classes and Blog Talk Radio shows around the idea of food, focus, mindfulness, and liberated living for peace and joy.

 I hope many of you join me!

Check out my Products and Events Page and Sign up for Free Classes and Downloads

 

 

Friendship: The Medicine of Life

FRIENDSHIP: THE MEDICINE OF LIFE

By Mary Claybon

 

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.”

-       Henri Nouwen

 Friendship is an art. We are born into families but we must cultivate our friends. A true friend is priceless- someone you can call when you are confused, have a problem, or when you are excited and want to celebrate. Sometimes we need a friend to listen and not fix our problems or advise us with the best solution. Yet, how many people have someone in their life who will listen and love unconditionally without an ulterior motive; without asking for anything in return; someone whose own spirit is lifted by allowing you to share your dreams, worries, fears, confusion, anger, and other emotions.

This is rare in today’s society, because we are in a hurry and listening takes time.

Like doctors, we want to give our friend a solution. Often we don’t want a solution; we just want to talk it out. A true healer will listen until they don’t exist so the other person can come up with their own solution, but this takes time.

Recently I went to the doctor and I said to him, “You know, Doctor, I think there is an emotional component to this and I really want to heal at a deeper level.” He looked at me with a sense of helplessness, and said “Well, get up on the table and let me listen to your heart.” After putting the cold stethoscope on my chest, he proclaimed, “You are just fine.” Isn’t that funny? Would he really take the time to listen to my heart and soul and mind? No, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t have time. Listening to someone’s feelings and emotions is difficult. We quickly want to solve the problem, hurry away the pain, and heal the person. We can’t expect our doctors to be our friends, but if we had more friends we might not need as many doctors.

You may have a “ton of friends,” but how many of your friendships are open and unreserved allowing you both to expose your soul and unleash your feelings and emotions without fear. You are fortunate if among the multitudes of people you know, you have one or two trusting friends who will be there for you even when they don’t understand you.

Cultivating friendship takes time and thought and the ability to give and to forgive. It is the desire to want to be in a relationship with another human being for no other reason than the healing energy of knowing you can count on that person and they can count on you in life when it is challenging or when it is exciting. This kind of friendship is the best medicine.

 

 

 

 

Mountain or Molehill

Mountain or Molehill: Keeping Life in Perspective

by Mary Claybon

 Some people these days would say a molehill is a big deal. After all these little pointed mice like creatures can tunnel through our yards and mess up our flower beds in no time. And mountains? They are there to enjoy, to climb, to offer slopes for skiing and hiking trails. Yet the saying, make a mountain out of a molehill implies that we are making a big deal out of a small issue.

Molehills are upsetting and yet in the long haul, with a big picture view they are not a disaster. Brain tumors and terminal cancer are a big deal and like mountains are a journey not easy to climb. Given the choice of being in pain, losing a limb or loved one, fighting cancer, or our house burning down, we would all choose the molehills.

How often do you notice yourself freaking out over day to day inconveniences or small things that just don’t go according to plan?  Recently my husband and I created a rock fountain in our back yard. Four hundred pounds of rocks later and at least three arguments, we finally finished our masterpiece. We were so proud, took pictures and apologized for our unkind words to each other. The results were a beautiful flow of water around the rocks. Two hours later we noticed the flow had decreased and the water was leaking somewhere under the rocks. It was disappointing and disturbed both of out sleep that week. Our stress increased and our peace of mind was lost-all over a simple garden project. The truth is we made it a mountain-something to climb and achieve and could not handle its imperfection.

If that same weekend one of us was diagnosed with cancer, we would have loved to struggle with a fountain rather than begin the struggle with this disease.

Next time you get upset, stop and remind yourself that you have two arms, two legs, you can walk and as far as you know you still have a lot of life left to live unless you kill yourself with stressful thoughts.

Most problems have a solution and those that don’t are a waste of time fretting about. Stay in the moment and focus on what is really bothering you. Did you ever notice that a stubbed toe hurts a lot worse when you’re in a bad mood? How much time have you wasted lately being upset about something that was no big deal?

I am amazed at how some people who are paralyzed or are faced with big problems can take life in stride and maintain their sense of joy, while people without these obstacles are never happy.

There is a value in keeping a gratitude journal. Write down everything you have and are grateful for everyday, so that when you freak out over trivialities you can be reminded that you are already at the top of your own mountain from where molehills don’t look so bad.

Mary Claybon is a life and wellness coach with over 30 years of experience in health and wellness. Through her business Promoting Health: The Middle Way LLC, Mary has facilitated wellness programs for businesses and individuals and now offers telephone and web based coaching nationally to promote lasting change. Mary also facilitates A Course in Miracles group in Cincinnati, Ohio. Visit www.themiddlewayhealth.com or call Mary at 513-309-8377. Mary’s e-mail is maryfree@cinci.rr.com.

PS-I wrote this article last year for a holistic publication. Today, my husband and I took the rock fountain apart and are filling it in with dirt. It was too much maintenance. We are repurposing the rocks and filling it all in with dirt and plants. We haven't had a fight yet. I hope you enjoyed the article.

 

 

 

 

Think Yourself Well

At a time when we feel threatened by the flu season, this article, which I wrote for Infinity Magazine may give a new perspective on staying WELL. Enjoy!

THINK YOURSELF WELL

 

            I don’t believe in the germ theory. I believe in the conflict theory. If it were true that germs were the sole cause of illness, we would be sick all the time. There are millions of microorganisms and infectious diseases everywhere-where we live, work, play, shop, and eat.

Stress and conflict play a major role in whether we are well or sick. Next time you get sick, ask yourself what was or is going on in your life during this time? Chances are you have had conflict and stress in your life. A broken heart can break down the body. When we suffer from aches and pains, chances are you also have pain in your life. 

Research is showing that our emotions cause at least 75 % of all disease. In his classic book The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale quotes a physician who said, “Many of my patients have nothing wrong with them except their thoughts.”

                        Meditation, massage, hypnosis, acupuncture, and hands on healing work because they all have one thing in common; they promote relaxation of the body and the mind creating a more balanced state for healing. Healing practitioners must center and balance their own energy for healing to occur.

                         Emotions that make us ill are anger, guilt, boredom, and fear. We can suppress our emotions or recognize them.  Psychotherapy and counseling can be helpful because bringing all of these emotions to the surface without the proper guidance to deal with them can make us sicker.

             Obviously delving into the mind and the emotions is difficult because every human being is different. How we see life and react to change and stress is individual. Our medical system can measure physical changes in the body with laboratory evaluations of the blood and body fluids, but measuring what is on our mind and how we deal with stress is much more difficult making Mind Body medicine a challenge.

             Doing everything right, watching what you eat, eating a low cholesterol diet, running and lifting weights, and abstaining from cigarettes and alcohol are not necessarily a guarantee for staying well. On the other hand, this does not mean that you should throw all the lifestyle rules out the window. What you have to realize is that if by doing all of these positive behaviors you are full of negative energy and stress, your body might look healthy but your mind is sick.

              When the mind is sick, the body suffers and yet by trusting that we have a choice of what we want to think, the power of healing is in our own hands. We have the capacity to restore our physical, emotional and spiritual health by simply desiring to be well. This kind of healing goes deeper than taking medicine or having surgery to repair or remove a sick part of the body. We have to believe that we can change our cells by changing our thoughts and when our thoughts are negative the body will suffer.

Reflections on Multitasking

Every now and then I have to take a step back and regroup-take a look at all I am doing and reevaluate my goals. Lately I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed. Although I am very excited about many things-too many things are finding a place on my plate.

On Sunday, August 30 there was an excellent article in the New York Times called The Mediocre Multitasker by Ruth Pennebaker. Researchers at Stanford University published a study that essentially showed "multitaskers perform badly in a variety of tasks." They get distracted, unfocused, and are weak at organizing information.

This made me think about my own life right now. I am enjoying all of it, but having a hard time being great at any one thing. Then you might ask-do you have to be great? No-but we don't want to be mediocre either. So the question is one of balance and acceptance of imperfection.

My goal is to work at my business of coaching and health education three days a week. I love working at home and via the internet and telecommunications. Coaching is a rich experience for me and my clients and I have enjoyed this year of teaching mindfulness for weight loss and stress management.

Currently I am working on updating my web presence and becoming more savvy at on line marketing. I find this overwhelming and exciting at the same time. Realizing this was out of my realm I hired a virtual assistant who has been working behind the scenes to make this all happen.

I am enjoying being a grandmother and everything stops when my granddaughters are around. This time is precious and priceless and I value each moment I can connect with them by holding, loving, playing, and just BEING with them. They are only 11 months old but we have a very close relationship. We are celebrating their first year birthdays and I can't wait!

My family is important and time spent with all of them is a priority. My home and garden are important to me so I do value my time in both. Sharing life with my husband and caring for our empty nest together is a joy. We enjoy our time at home and traveling and enjoy our adult children and their lives. And we both enjoy visiting with our extended families of origin.

Girlfriends are another top priority and nurturing friendships takes time for sharing and growing together.

I am also an officer in a women's group I love. It is a group of women who come together monthly to connect and hear a member present a paper each month on a topic of interest. We are a group of writers, artists and creative women who come together to share life and intellectual pursuits.

Near and dear to my heart and soul is my work with A Course in Miracles, a spiritual text meant for self study, but often needing support from a group such as mine. We have a retreat coming up on September 12 on Living the Course and while it has taken preparation and coordination, it will be a wonderful day for us to come together.

I don't want to give up any of this and yet, as I read the article, The Mediocre Multitasker I realized that I could not do it all and do any of it well.

At least, I won't be great at anything. So I either have to accept that in order for my life to flow and to feel like a dance, I might have to STOP whatever I am doing once in awhile and DO NOTHING but sit quietly, perhaps pray, meditate, listen to the universe for clarity to know what I can mindfully accomplish when I take action again.

Shifting Gears

I just returned from a wonderful family vacation in Oregon "God's Country." We had 10 wonderful days away with our children and granddaughters. After being away and having a very long day at the airport due to a flight glitch, I am back at my desk, taking a deep breath and moving slower than usual because I am "Shifting Gears." Enjoy this article I wrote about this very phenomena.

SHIFTING GEARS

 

Your kids are going back to school.  You’re in empty nest. You’ve just returned from traveling. You’re starting a new job. Whether you are experiencing any of these transitions or other changes in your life, they all have something in common. They cause us to shift gears or reorient ourselves to our place and time and circumstance.

I travel a lot both for business and pleasure. When I return home it takes me a couple of days to get back into the flow of my routine. I am often tired and feel a bit disorganized. Rather than get upset, I simply listen to my body. Sometimes it needs to rest. Other times I need a good walk. If I just go with the flow I feel much more balanced and productive within a few days.

I remember when my children started school in the Fall. Summer was fun and our schedule was flexible, but by late August even though we still felt the summer heat, it was time to set the alarm and get back into a routine. When they all went away to college, the house felt empty and my husband and I had to reset our priorities.  It is all a matter of change and shifting gears.

Shifting gears has an effect on the body, the mind, and the spirit. We have to come up with strategies for easing into our new situation. We have to cope with change.

In the book, Aging Body Timeless Mind ,Deepak Chopra states “An estimated 6 trillion reactions are taking place in each cell every second.…In order to stay alive, your body must live on the wings of change.” Essentially we are always adapting to change.

Your body may respond by feeling a bit off. You may experience fatigue or a sense of restlessness. You may feel like you’re getting a cold or have a run down feeling.  Mentally you may feel a sense of disorientation or not knowing what to do next. You may feel unorganized or a lack of focus. You may also have a positive experience of feeling excited, relieved or contentment. Shifting Gears can strengthen or weaken your spirit and sense of connectedness.  

Some strategies for dealing with shifting gears or coping with change are first to accept that you need time to readjust. Recognize that a shift is taking place not just outside you, but within you as well. Ease back into your life situation slowly. You may need to take time off work. If you just returned from a vacation it is good to plan for a day off to unpack and prepare to get back to your normal working routine.

 It takes time to adapt to a change in your life, and if it is a big change you may need more time to adapt. Give yourself time to adjust to your current situation. Allow your body and mind to relax as needed. Take a nap or take a walk, whichever is most helpful. Most of all, practice mindfulness- staying in the present moment and accepting a short period of chaos while your body, mind and spirit adapt to change.

 

Mary Claybon is a life and wellness coach, writer and speaker with over 30 years of experience in the field of health and wellness. Through her business Promoting Health: The Middle Way LLC, Mary has facilitated wellness programs for businesses and individuals and now offers telephone and web based coaching nationally to facilitate lasting behavior change. Mary also facilitates A Course in Miracles group in Cincinnati, Ohio. Visit www.themiddlewayhealth.com or call Mary at 513-309-8377. Mary’s e-mail is maryfree@cinci.rr.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Becoming your authentic self

I am currently reading a book called Becoming Who You Are by James Martin, SJ. He writes about living an authentic life by getting to know your true self vs your false self. As he tells the story of his own struggle with a (Corporate) soul, He shares a wonderful quote of Thomas Merton from No Man Is An Island,

"Why do we have to spend our lives striving to be something we would never want to be, if we only knew  what we wanted? Why do we waste our time doing things which, if we only stopped to think about them, are just the opposite of what we were made for?"

These are such important questions and reminded me to be aware when I am busy with things that have nothing to do with who I want to be or the passions that feed my soul. Those moments take my energy and joy away. It is when I am doing authentic work that life flows; I feel healthy and energized. Work and play blend.

Are you living according to what you were made for?

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If I could only own one book!

If you were only allowed to own one book, what book would you choose?
Submitted by The Private Library.

 My first thought was A Course in Miracles, a book that became the philosophy of my life and spiritual path over 20 years ago. The Course brought me back to a new relationship with God and helped me to sort out some of my religious and philosophical questions. Also, being an intellectual myself, and having an interest in health, both mental and spiritual I was very attracted to its origin. Helen Schuchman,(great discussion about Helen at Oprah.com) the woman who listened to a Voice and put her ego aside to transcribe the powerful words, was someone I could relate to. She was a doctor of psychology and taught at Columbia University. She was raised with a variety of "tastes" of a variety of religions and as an adult atheist, was not looking for God but simply looking for a way to find peace in her department. She also had studied Freud and wrote scholarly works on psychosomatic illnesses. She essentially was interested in the body/mind experience. I was also attracted to Kenneth Wapnick, another psychologist who was searching for an authentic path while contemplating his Jewish roots, but finding himself attracted to Catholicism. Ken found Helen during the transcription of the Course and from then on it became his path. Being a Catholic who married a Jew and have found myself in both worlds, found peace in the teachings of the Course and its definition of Jesus. Although not peaceful to study, if we finally get it, it is a path to true inner peace.

The only other book I would own would be a blank journal for my own thoughts and writing.

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NERVOUS BREAKTHROUGHS: The Pleasure of Sadness

This is an article I wrote several months ago, but it fits with the theme of resiliency.

    Throughout my life I have had a series of nervous breakthroughs. Rather than call them break downs I like to call them break throughs. I learned from these experiences and found my life more enriched, more mature, and at a powerful stage of growth after coming through a sad or conflicted time in my life.
    I believe “it’s all good” and that happiness is living with a sense of trust that everything happens for a reason, or as I say “everything happens for a lesson. “ Life is a journey in which we follow a path that leads us on a road, not always straight, full of twisted side paths, but eventually leading us forward to discover who we are and our ultimate purpose in life. It is not always comfortable. Discomfort can simply be a sign of growing pains.
    These days, it seems we do not allow ourselves to tolerate discomfort in our minds and our souls. Sadness and depression, while often so deep and debilitating they rightly warrant prescription medication, are a time to get in touch with the depth of your heart and soul. There is nothing wrong with a good cry or a time to scream out in anguish or to get down on your knees and pray. It’s a time to listen to what our deepest inner self may want to tell us after such a time of anguish and pain.
    There are so many new books on the market about happiness that it may seem wrong to experience sadness. It is great to be a positive thinker and see the glass half-full and the world through rose-colored glasses. However sadness is not negative thinking. It just is a beautiful human emotion. You can still see the glass half-full when you judge sadness as simply an experience and not a tragedy. You can wear your rose-colored glasses and even imagine you are sitting in a rose garden, while you have a good cry. 
    Victor Hugo described melancholy as “the pleasure of being sad.” Sadness is normal after losing a loved one, losing a job, failing at something felt important, or just reading the newspaper or watching the evening news. It would be a classic case of denial if one said they never felt sad.
    There are times when you can’t pinpoint the source of sadness, and yet something inside is not right. If you are losing weight, losing sleep, feeling hopeless or have thoughts of suicide some type of therapy may be needed. Rather than hurry to take a drug, it might be helpful to see a professionally trained psychotherapist or counselor.  Sometimes medicine is helpful while engaging in talk therapy.  And there are times when depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and may warrant medication similar to a diabetic who needs insulin. In these cases it is best to see a knowledgeable psychiatrist who is a doctor trained to decide the best medication and dose for individuals suffering from depression.
    Recently I went to my doctor and told her I was feeling a little down, wondering if I should take a drug, and she said “ You have normal sadness. Your father died, your life is in transition-you don’t need medication, just a little more soul-searching and allowing yourself to be content with not being happy all the time.” I left the office empowered and with lightness in my step as I thought, she’s right. This is natural and normal and you will come through this with yet another nervous breakthrough.

Question?? Have you ever had a nervous breakthrough??

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